A few pics from this past week

Sorry about the quality - my phone camera is terrible.

It's just me

Time is flying by much too quickly for my liking. I was reading back through the older blogs and I can hardly remember all that pain and suffering. I'm settling into my new life. I say new because things really are much different. I was getting frustrated by the portions I could eat. It was like seeing a whole plate of your favorite food and only being allowed to eat one bite of it. Forced self-control.

But now, it is easier. And every day that goes by things just get a little bit more normal, the new normal. Instead of getting frustrated at the amount I can eat, I just enjoy the bites I can take and then occupy my mind with something else. Usually talking - I LOVE socializing. It also helps that I have friends that love finishing my plate for me! That gets rid of the "finish your plate because there are starving children in Ethiopia" guilt that rings in my head at throwing away left overs. There ARE starving children, but this child is full!

People around me are getting used to things as well. I'm also getting such good advice and suggestions from all directions. I love it. No one has been judgemental or preachy about things, either. I find myself becoming pretty knowledgeable on food and exercise these days. It's odd. I still get the looks from strangers when I only eat a few bites. I can only imagine the thoughts - "I KNOW that girl can eat more than that!". Or when I say I do yoga the "uh huh, sure" looks I get. But people that know me and have walked on this journey with me, willingly listen to the things that are working for me. Please understand I am in no way downing myself with these comments, I'm just being real. As an overweight person my whole life, I've heard enough comments and have had enough of my own thoughts and reactions to people - I know how the brain works. Everyone judges books by their covers, even when it isn't who we are to do so. If that makes sense to anyone.

I would recommend to any of you going through this process and who are not married, to not date during this stage. Get used to your changing body, and take this time for yourself. Get yourself in order and try to focus on what serves you best. I have been letting other peoples problems and the pull to meet someone get in the way of my goals. I have to constantly remind myself that I am changing everything about the way my life has worked for the past 33 years. Now is not the time to start piling on new stress, responsibilities, or to commit yourself to anything other than reaching your goals. Find the time to settle into this new person who you've given birth to, quite literally.

This whole process my doctors and people in my life have reminded me how this whole process is very similar to child birth. I like to point out to them that I do not have a baby at the end. But, I just realized typing that last paragraph, that in some way I do have a new being... it's just me. From start I had to eat baby food and protein drinks to get used to my new stomach. Then slowly added soft foods, then small amounts of regular food. Still no sodas or beer (boo) - just like a baby going through the stages of eating. Huh. Interesting realization.

I hope you are all well on this Martin Luther King, Jr. day. Take the time to read a few quotes from a great man. It will feed your soul.

Updated pictures :)

Hi there :) I just thought I would update some pictures. Below is the current picture next to the first one taken - hopefully you can see a bit of a change. ;) Just a short post this time - hope you are all doing well!!

Bad scale!

I had my one month check up yesterday 12/03/2012. It was technically more like a month and half, but I'm not going to argue the details. Let me start this little story off by saying for the past two weeks my goal has been to get to 350 lbs so that I can weigh on a "regular" scale. I've been stepping on that damn scale every day and every day I've been heart broken when the big fat "E" displays. E meaning "you're too fat to be weighed with this scale". I asked my mom "are you sure this scale works??" with hope in my voice... "it works to weigh me" she says. Sad. So, every day, I cross my fingers and step on the scale only to have it silently scream "E!" at me.

I've been dreading this doctors appointment. I had all my excuses about the holiday treats I've been eating and how people at work basically held me down and stuffed cookies, candy, and other fattening treats down my throat. I even figured if I promise to do better this month that maybe he wouldn't be too mad and write me off as being the only one who failed at losing weight after a weight LOSS surgery. Reggie (the nurse) calls me back and I slowly walk toward the digital scales we stop at every appointment. I step up and the scale starts calculating my weight. Just as I am about to start stammering out my explainations to Reggie 343.6 pops up on the scale! What?! WTH!?! I totally missed reaching my first goal!! He reads my face and asks if I am surprised by the number. I am surprised, excited, and relieved all at once. I am floating on cloud 9 through the whole rest of the visit. Doctor Smith tells me how happy he is with my progress. Wow! This is a COMPLETELY different appointment than I had anticipated.

Everything else about the appointment went just fine as well. I explained that I took myself off of all the medications he gave me for nausea, bowel movements, and the strange smells/tastes I had. He said that was perfectly fine since I have been feeling better. We made another apointment for the end of February where he will take blood to show my levels. And that was it! Over - sweet! So now I know... if I eat a bunch of junk I will feel bad, and it will slow my weight loss, but I will still lose weight. Get out of jail free card? Not so much... it really isn't worth the crappy feeling the next day.

So that is 37 lbs since my surgery 54 lbs since July. Not too shabby... I do not think I've lost 54 lbs in an entire year ever, much less half a year. So now I need to relax, treat my body well, and just have faith that this whole process is going to work for me. All of my hard work and diligence has actually shown some results - go figure!

My boo face

Happy New Year!! I'm not a huge fan of new years resolutions, so I'm just going to take this time to reflect on the previous year and concentrate on the things I want to change. I woke up this morning and took my vitamins (which I have NOT been doing) and ate a healthy breakfast of one egg and some grapes. I had the traditional black eyed peas and collard greens for lunch, then beef stew for dinner. For my snacks I had a protein bar and a piece of celery and peanut butter. I have to keep the protein up, so if any of you have any suggestions or recipes that are high in protein, by all means share :)


My co workers have really been noticing my weight loss this past week. That's good - that means I haven't gained too much from all the Christmas goodies. I did have a glass of champagne for the count down last night. One champagne flute of pink bubbly made me all red in the face and pretty close to drunk. It was my first taste of alcohol since my surgery. My surgeon recommends not drinking at all after a wls. This is due to your lower tolerance and a lot of wls patients become addicted to alcohol after having the surgery. I'm not very worried about that - but I do have to watch it with the carbonation. Carbonation can stretch your new stomach. I'll have to find a good mixed drink to sip on for other special occasions. However, I don't think I'll be drinking until the drunk stage very often, if at all. I prefer to have my witts about me.


I feel much better and can feel myself just relaxing and feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't aware I was at all uncomfortable in my skin, but just like a frog doesn't know it's being boiled ... OK, no that doesn't work. But I guess you get what I am trying to say. Something about frogs and weight loss. I feel more beautiful. Now, I am not in any way saying that I'm more beautiful because I am smaller. I feel more beautiful because I feel like I am accomplishing something that I set out to do. I've never really done that before. I've always had the best intentions to do something or make some change but I lack follow-through. This is why I think the weight loss surgery was the best option for me. I am not really "allowed" to not follow through.


I am beginning to feel some strange feelings/emotions. I feel like there is a part of me that is fighting tooth and nail to keep on this outer layer of protection. I am working slowly to truly realize my ability to protect myself has less to do with my threatening frame and more to do with my attitude. Being kind, compassionate, and loving at times counteracts my "I don't take shit" persona I want to reflect. Maybe all these tattoos will scare off the bullies - GRR!! I can only hope they don't stop to read "Love is all you need" and the pretty butterflies that adorn my body. Maybe I can get a huge skull and crossbones tat'd on my face. Yea?