For starters

I meant to get this thing started sooner, but my well intentions do not always come to fruition, unfortunately.

I am starting this blog to be completely honest and sincere with my feelings and emotions as I go through this process. I guess I need to start from the beginning. My name is January and I am having weight loss surgery in three days. I have chosen to have the Gastric Sleeve with Duodenal Switch - or just "DS". http://www.advancedobesitysurgery.com/duodenalswitch.asp (you can visit this address to see details on the procedure) I chose this particular procedure because I believe it is the best one for me. It tends to have more weight loss and less chance of regaining the weight. However, it is a more complicated surgery and there are risks. I will have to take vitamins for the rest of my life and get yearly bloodwork/check ups to make sure my body is absorbing what it should. Please be forewarned I will not be censoring myself in subsequent posts, so if you are easily offended or just do not want to know the full details of something, you may want to skip past the blogs that have the *GRAPHIC* warning attached to the title.

I somehow chose to make this journey very public without realizing it. I began telling everyone what was happening and even started revealing my actual weight. I'm not sure where this person came from, I've always been pretty guarded. But slowly I started talking to people and sharing these very intimate details about my life. Suddenly, I've invited anyone who has an interest to join in this ride with me. I have been amazed and humbled by the amazing support and love people have shown me. I would not have been brave enough to walk this path alone, I am truly blessed.

This night, the weekend before my surgery, I find myself bombarded by changing emotions. I am scared, excited, disconnected, sad, happy, nervous, and confident all at the same time. I have a little "me" in the back of my head saying "it's not too late... just cancel now". But I know this is not my true voice. I have never been so thorough and calculated in any move I've made my entire life. I've been researching this surgery (and all the others) for at least five years now. I have weighed *no pun intended* all the pros and cons more times than I can recall at this moment. I have no idea what changes lay ahead of me - but like the title of my blog suggests, Tabula Rasa - blank slate. A whole new book in this library I'm building of my life. I am excited and a bit tentative about sharing all of this with whoever choses to read this. Please be forewarned this will not be all cupcakes and sunshine, life is never that pretty.

Please feel free to send emails with any questions or requests for information. Thank you for taking the time to read a little about this - and I hope you chose to come back.

This picture is me today - weight 378 lbs